Sunday, April 20, 2008

God*Jesus is coming

(This post shamelessly lifted from my old blog because it's funny and I'm not posting over there anymore)

Or, at least, that's what the good folks over at Rapture Ready eagerly believe. It's sad that such excitement could be gleaned from the prospective and actual deaths of others, even others a half-world away. Aren't religious folk supposed to be eager to help their fellow men and women?

Looking forward to the rapture, when God*Jesus (see above) will return to Earth and establish a paradise for 1,000 years (or something like that, I get fuzzy on the details - end-time myths all seem so similar after a while it's hard to keep them straight), is unimaginably selfish on the part of these good "god-fearing" men and women.

Why is it selfish, you ask? Well, what would you call a scenario wherein you and those who happen to believe the same narrow interpretation of some 2,000 year old book get to live in eternal paradise, while everyone else gets to go burn in hell, but only after the world is engulfed in unimaginable pain and suffering? To me, looking forward to ragnarok so that you can go kick it old-skool style with the big guy upstairs seems a little unfair to everyone else.
Honestly, I would be worried if it weren't for the comforting fact that every single time someone predicts the end of the world, it just doesn't happen. Now, to be straight with you all, technically there have been a few "world-ending" events. One would be the meteor which took out the dinosaurs 65 million years ago. Another would be the Great Dying 250 million years ago. Both of these events could, very legitimately, be considered "end times." They both destroyed an unimaginable amount of life; they were both very sudden; and they were both preceded by ages of decadence, culminating with the anti-christ (first in trilobite form and later as a dinosaur) and then 1000 years of heaven on earth which allowed for a flourishing of new biological diversity.

Well... maybe that last bit isn't exactly true - but there's no way to disprove it, now is there?! Perhaps our all-forgiving, all-seeing, all-powerful God*Jesus really will kill everything (almost), and then pave the way for some new dominant species to take over. If those past end-of-days events are any indication though, the rapture isn't something to look forward to. Sure, you'll get a millennium of fun-in-the-sun, chillin in God's paradise on Earth. But, what about after? Some new form of life will crop up, turn out to be waaaay better adapted to survive than little old Homo sapiens, and exterminate what's left of our race (which, by the end of 1,000 years of vacation time will probably be so bloated and lazy that a few monkeys with sticks could take us out).

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